Return in Blue
Well, I’m home from a summer of work and work and trips and work and trips.
(in that order)
Just now my girlfriend’s not home, I don’t want to work, and I’m feeling sad at leaving my best friend behind in Calgary.
I haven’t seen him in years and it was an amazing visit. It leaves me a little desolate to know I might not see him again for quite some time.
It’s a real blessing to have people with whom you not only connect, but who understand your experience on the fundamental level that can only arise from a common origin. Pair that with shared perspectives and startlingly similar paths of personal development, and you have a true lifelong friend.
I don’t really tend to cultivate those. I’m a mostly buddiferous person.
(Buddiferous: adj.; one bearing “buddies” or friendships of a mostly casual nature.)
When a relationship comes along with someone I love deeply, it’s a big moment for me. I might have only four or five good friends of that kind, and one of them lives most of the way across my (very large) country.
And so, sadness.
The remedy for these feelings should be gratitude that I have such a good friend at all, but that’s too neat isn’t it? It certainly doesn’t turn absence into presence. It seems more like relief that we have less absence than we could conceivably have.
It’s hard to feel like anything other than a point of light in an ever-expanding universe, drifting farther and farther from a shared, explosive origin. We’re progressing, but to who knows where or what, and probably just heading to some distant disintegration or extinguishment.
That’s adulthood for you.
